One Week

Now that I've had a few days to somewhat wrap my head around everything, I'll go into detail with what happened one week ago (and I'm serious when I say detail).  We were a little nervous as to how we were going to tell Caleb about the neurology appointment (since he hates doctors), so we decided just to call it a special school.  We told him the name of it (For OC Kids) and said he would be going to his regular school the next day.  He was totally fine with it because it meant alone time with mom & dad while Lilly stayed with Grandma (win-win).  We were off to a late start but managed to make it there somewhat early.  Caleb was excited as usual to see "the big letter A" from the 57 freeway (quiet Angel fans..it's a shame we don't live closer to Chavez Ravine).  Walking in was okay, he read the words For OC Kids on the door and was reassured that this was where he expected to go.  Now...if you know a child with a sound sensitivity (which is clearly going to turn into a sensory processing disorder), or have met Caleb even once, then you have a small idea of how sounds affect him, and can imagine what it would take to go up even 1 floor of an office building.  Think about it.  As soon as you walk into a building, everything around you changes.  You can hear phones ringing, the sound of people's voices echo, even shoes make a different sound.  Then there's a little something called an elevator.  I don't know about you, but I kinda-sorta already don't love elevators (small, cramped, held up by a metal rope...how??).  Well this little elevator was a big obstacle for Caleb.  The sound of the doors opening and closing, the bounce of the floor as you step onto it, the HUM of the lights, the beep as you push the button...all completely overwhelmed him.  So we decided to walk up the stairwell, which echoed even louder than the foyer!  Tj ended up carying him. 

Finally in the waiting room of the neurologist's office and we had it all to ourselves.  Big puzzles, colorful blocks, beads on rollercoasters, and Caleb started playing by himself (with the ocassional "Hi MOM!" as he always does).  The nurse called us back for a quick height and weight check (which is never quick, it takes two people to hold him still against the ruler on the wall, and Tj had to hold him on the scale...like you do when you check how heavy your bag is before you head to the airport?  Yeah).  A few tears later and we're in an exam room, waiting to meet Dr. Donnelly.  The exam room is slightly larger than a regular doctor's office; full of toys, books, and a two-way mirror.  I just now thought they might have been observing us before the exam, ha!  Maybe I shouldn't have picked my nose ; )  Five minutes later Dr. Donnelly enteres the room.  He is a middle-aged man with a bright smile, and a soft tone of voice (thank goodness).  He gives us a quick hi, waves, and gets eye-to-eye with Caleb and says hello.  Caleb looks back and says hi, is a little cautious, but is generally okay with his presence.  He continues to play as the doctor asks us a laundry list of questions.  When did he first crawl, walk, talk, put two word sentences together?  When did you notice something was different?  When did other people notice?  How is he around Lilly/other children?  Does he have imaginary play?  How does he react to a change in his schedule?  How is his diet?  Do you find he has areas of brilliance that other kids his age aren't able to do?  What are his sound sensitivities like?  What sort of things set off tantrums?  How long does it take for him to calm down?  ...I could go on and on!!  He was so incredibly thurough that by the end of his questioning he almost perfectly summed up our son and our concerns. 

It's pretty interresting though, I don't remember the actual moment he said "Autism Spectrum Disorder".  He danced around the ASD topic for a couple of minutes, filling us with the latest stats and figures, describing what they look for in the three areas of development (communication, social interaction, behavior).  He never said anything like "your son has this", it was more like in all of these areas where Caleb's behind, it looks like he fits somewhere in the middle.  He said he wouldn't make an exact diagnosis (mild-moderate) until he looked over his notes.  He then recommended ABA therapy (Applied Behavior Analysis, quite popular in the Autism community), Occupational Therapy for his sound sensitivities, and Speech Therapy (duh...but he was very impressed with the amount of speech he already receives at school, yay).  He said he wants to focus on reducing Caleb's anxieties, from nervous sounds to changes in his routine.  Now all we need to do is find a specialist for all of these things!  Thank God we have amazing health insurance through the military! 

He sent us home with a couple of fliers for intro-to-Autism seminars, an appointment scheduled for two months from now to check his progress, and a "prescription" for ABA therapy for our insurance, in case they give us the runaround.  The three of us hopped in the car, onto the freeway, and back to our every-day in Fountain Valley.  It wasn't until we got onto the 22 that I began to cry.  I don't know exactly what those tears were...not anything specific, just a release of overwhelming emotions I had/have been carrying I guess.  The only thing I could say at that moment was "I knew it".  And it's true.  I did know it.  I'd known it ever since he was a baby.  I knew it when he would cry at 4 months old when I sang a song he didn't recognize.  I knew it when he would cry whenever I'd blow my nose, raise my voice to Tj in the other room, or change my tone to talk on the phone.  Everything was so borderline typical behavior that I really thought maybe he was just fine...but he IS just fine.  In fact he isn't just fine, he's absolutely great.  He's the most magnificent boy God has ever created.  He is EXACTLY who he's supposed to be and I can't imagine him any other way.  I praise the Lord for my health happy son, and we are so thankful He chose us to be his Daddy and Mama. 

I find it quite fitting share the lyrics of the song that was sung at our wedding.  Seems like God's always had His hand over us:

Who Am I
written by Erin Wells for University Praise

Who am I that You have chosen,
Who am I that bears Your name,
For you breathed life into existence,
You hung the universe in place.

Lord of all the heavens,
The moon and stars cry out Your name,
Lord of all creation,
Childrens' voices sing Your praise,
So who am I You've called by name,
Who am I You've called by name.

Who am I that You have chosen,
Who am I that's in Your care,
For you bestow all earthly treasures,
Your gifts of love are everywhere.

Lord of all the heavens,
The moon and stars cry out Your name,
Lord of all creation,
Childrens' voices sing Your praise,
So who am I You've called by name,
Who am I You've called by name.

And the earth sings,
All glory unto You,
All glory unto You,
All glory unto You, oh Lord.