What, You Didn't Know That?

I'm a little tired, a lot hot, and completely bored, so I though I'd have a little blog confession time. Like one of those twenty-five-things-you-don't-know-about-me's, but definitely not twenty-five. I generally enjoy writing pleasant posts, not to misguide you or edit myself too much, but because I truly look for the good at the end of the day. These days can be rough, especially now with Tj gone, and as much as I'd like to be an encouragement to someone else, it's also quite therapeutic to remind myself of the hope and to choose joy {and always remembering that joy comes from Above}.

With that said I'm going to share with you all a few of the roughs, the hards, the not-so-prouds, and a couple of really??s.

First. I sleep in my living room. Literally. When we moved into this tiny two-bedroom duplex we had a two year old Caleb and a six month old Lilly. We gave Caleb his own room, had Lilly shack up with us since she was so little, and had the intention of them sharing a room...that is until a little/big thing called Autism came along and it was clear that Caleb needed his own space for good. By ten months old Lilly was still not sleeping through the night, so I forced Tj and myself out on the couches. As soon as we had her sleeping better I decided not to jinx it and I kept us out in the living room. 

We have our king-sized mattress function as a murphy-bed on one wall. I lift it up every morning, secure it to the wall, and have a fancy little sheet covering it {which serves as a nice little backdrop for pictures}. I put it down every night and let the kids jump around on it before bedtime, and I have lights on the wall just for fun. It's a bit awkward when people {who aren't familiar w/us} come over & see our bed on the wall, it's a bit if a pain {literally} to lift, and it's a bit annoying at times to not have my own space, but I know from experience that this particular challenge won't last forever, and that to most people in the world this wouldn't be a challenge at all, so I'm learning to deal with my pride and choosing to be thankful.

Second. I have a journal for each of the kids where I've written to them every month since before they were born...that is until about a year ago, when Caleb was diagnosed with Autism. A year ago. I can't believe it's been that long. I really have nothing to say other than how ashamed I feel when I walk past them while I'm picking up their toys or putting clothes away. I guess I feel like I haven't been in a place to be able to gently write about all the things that were going on at that time. But...I wrote on this blog...so why can't I write to them? It's a bit more complicated to say the least, and I've needed to heal from that experience, so I think I'll start writing them soon. Just another thing I don't want to tell you.

Third. I wash my silverware in threes. Three forks, a spoon & two knives, whatever. But it has to be in threes. It just feels weird otherwise. 

Fourth. Caleb has not yet mastered the dreaded number two on the potty. Oh if only you knew the stories of whoa from this house in regards to poop {and for those of you who do know, you're welcome}. In general it takes children with Autism longer to toilet train {if even at all} and we've been at it for over a year now. Most of it just has to do with sensory issues {he will seriously hold it for days}, and we've even made a trip to the doctors because of it. Rewards have never really worked. While on the potty he'll yell "No iPad! No frosty! No Skittles! I need a timeout!" But I think we may have turned a corner recently with the addition of the book Everyone Poops, given by a gracious friend. Just one week ago he walked up and TOLD me he had to go, which has never happened! Auntie Tara was lucky enough to witness it ; ) But we will keep on trekkin...and poopin...hopefully. He had an accident on his first day of preschool last year; let's hope that doesn't happen on Wednesday for kindergarten! 

Fifth. I haven't been to the dentist in 9 years, and I have a cracked molar. Ya ya ya I actually DO have dental insurance now that TJ is on active duty...but going to the dentist is not exactly on my list of what to do with my two hours of free time/week.

Sixth. Sometimes I do what I can just to get through the day. Okay I guess all moms do this, but we seriously need a reminder sometimes that it's OKAY. We don't need everything picked up, the dishes washed, the mouths wiped; we don't need everything from scratch or non-commercialized products {I love you, Disney!}. What we need are healthy kids, healthy attitudes, and a healthy concept of grace. I don't know about you, but sometimes grace is all that gets me through the day. 

Seventh. I've been low-carb-ing since TJ's been gone, but last night I had a pizza. Help.

Eighth. The entire time I've been writing this, the menu for The Incredibles dvd has been playing over & over but I'm too hot & lazy to get up & find the remote.

Ninth. I've met so many amazing friends through the crazy worlds of Instagram & Twitter, and I'd gladly meet any number of them. Autism moms, Navy wives, old friends...hugs to YOU.

Tenth. I miss Tj. The end.

*love you TJ