Daughter Lileigh's Birthday

The other day Caleb and I went to a very fun birthday party for a very fun little girl. Our friend Dan's daughter Lileigh (who Caleb likes to call Daughter-Lileigh) was turning five years old. 

Dan used to live in the back half of our duplex and Lileigh and Caleb would play together from time to time...and by play I mean she would chase him while he giggled and ran, they would give each other hugs, and then Caleb would get distracted, not respond to her attempts at calling his name, and we would have to give him conversational scripts to help him along (which we still do). She was always very sweet and patient with him. She never pointed out any of his interesting behavior, laughed when he laughed, and was patient even when he wouldn't talk to her.

Caleb doesn't go to many parties because his autism makes it hard to be social with his peers and he gets overwhelmed when there's a lot going on (screaming kids, yelling kids, loud noises, people just having fun). Just last year at Lileigh's fourth birthday, he had an epic meltdown because other kids were screaming. It's also very hard for him to recover when something upsets him. 

This year when Dan invited us to the party, I was hesitant to say yes, but when he told me that Lileigh specifically asked if Caleb could come, I couldn't pass it up. I was determined to help him have fun, so I left my Lilly at home with grandma and we headed up to the party. Dan and his wife Beth invited just a few of their close friends and their kids to have a nice bbq for Lileigh in their new home. Caleb was so excited to see Daughter Lileigh, Dan, and Beth. And she took him straight to her swing set that they used to play on together.

More people began to show up, more kids (and more babies). Caleb was uneasy when a little one would cry, so we would excuse ourselves and walk to the other side of the house or yard. Lileigh was given a bright pink Disney princess car for her birthday, and she drove it like a pro. The only interest Caleb showed in it (other than its spinning wheels and loud battery-powered accelerator) was the thrill of being chased by the girls as he ran and screamed in the other direction. That alone was enough to make me happy; the kids were screaming and he was screaming right there with 'em, and smiling through it.

And then my heart was handed to me on a party plate. 

The girls got up, and Bairyk (the oldest of four boys) walked up to Caleb and said "Hey, you want to ride with me?" And Caleb said "YEAH!" I then prompted Caleb to tell him his name as he climbed in the passenger seat and Bairyk drove off into the wild frontier! They drove up and down the driveway for a good fifteen minutes. And Caleb laughed and yelled and said "GOOD JOB MOM!" 

When it was time to give the girls another turn, Bairyk got out and asked Caleb to play basketball. And then asked him to swing (all while I directed Caleb's attention and prompted responses). Caleb was laughing and giggling and having so much fun, and my heart could not have swelled any bigger.

Dan and Beth put together a great dinner of summery foods that met everyone's dietary needs (quite a few allergies in the group, including the birthday girl). After dinner we made s'mores...Caleb's absolute favorite right now!! He was so excited he wouldn't stop echoing an episode of Bubbly Guppies where they go camping and make s'mores. He was jumping up and down, just so excited.

We devoured our s'mores, played a bit more, and then watched the birthday girl open her presents. Little miss Lileigh still really loves Rapunzel, and that makes me happy! She was so sweet and so gracious as she opened her gifts. The kids played some more and I sat on the sidelines with the other parents and had lovely conversations (which I usually don't have much time for). It was so encouraging.

Near the end of the party Caleb was playing the the grass when a bug buzzed in his ear...and he lost his mind. He screamed and cried and trembled; it's really one of his biggest triggers. He wanted to know why the bug was in his ear, why it was buzzing, and why he was crying. My poor boy couldn't handle it. But in the middle of his crying, the birthday girl and her bff came over and asked him to play with them. He of course didn't understand and said no, but I thanked them for their kind hearts and wanting to make him feel better. 

We washed his tears away in the bathroom, and when he saw the bathtub he said "I wanna take a tub", which meant it was time to go home. I snapped a few quick photos on our way out (even with his distraught face), and Lileigh hugged him and thanked him for coming. He didn't want to leave, he was having so much fun.

Sitting here, days later, I am still so thankful and blessed to have been a part of Lileigh's fifth birthday. Dan has such a sweet, kindhearted, precious little girl, who has never shown anything but love and kindness to my bug, and for that alone I am truly grateful. 

And I realize that when most kids play together they don't really have an agenda, they just want to have fun...but to the parents of neurotypical children (who will someday have the chance to play with someone who's different, someone who may need a bit of a shove in the right direction), thank you. Thank you for encouraging kindness in your child. Thank you for being open to hearing a different experience in parenting. I know it's not the job of the world to bend to the needs of my son, but I will try my hardest to teach the world about my son, what it means to be different, and what it is so show compassion and unconditional love. 

*love you TJ